To Be Brave

    Her fingers clutched the rough, porous rock as she searched with her right foot for a higher foothold. The air was cold and the wind bit a little as it passed over her face. She felt invigorated by it and inspired by the smell and sound of the sea. Finding a spot now, she gripped it with her toes and pulled her body up. Her hands found new grips, then her feet, as she scaled the black boulder on the beach. This was not the first rock she had climbed today; various boulders dotted the sand.  She practically raced from one to the next, climbing carefully but quickly, challenging only herself.  Her parents walked by the water, within sight, but leaving her to herself to explore and conquer as she frequently liked to do when away from home.

     The girl enjoyed going ahead, finding new paths, exploring caves, and climbing rocks and dunes. She was not one to sit on a beach towel and sunbathe. "Why go to the beach if you're not going to run in the sand and jump in the waves?" she thought. When friends said the ocean was too cold, the wind too strong, and the rain too drenching, she challenged them to face the waves and jump in with shorts and a sense of adventure. Once, she and a similarly bold friend jumped waves in cold rain until their fair legs turned red and their veins ran white. Oh, the glory of youth. Sometimes, she would calm her wandering spirit and sit and sing to the sea and clouds and gulls, pondering her future and looking to the horizon, wondering where life would take her.

     Years later, this same girl, now grown, nursed her infant and watched her other three children and her husband venture into the ocean. She had the baby to take care of and their possessions to protect, so she had to stay seated on the beach towel. Being honest with herself, however, she knew that even without the baby and possessions, she would be content to sit and read in the sun. Lately, her connection to the ocean and the nearby stream cutting through the sand was limited to a toe-dip or quick crossing in shallow water.  She was dissuaded by its frigidity and preferred the comfort of dry warmth. What had happened to the wanderer, explorer, adventurer she had once been? Had she, like some of the rocks, been worn down by the wind and water of life, those powerful forces of nature, that gradually eroded at her bravery or suddenly jolted her from her dreams into reality?

     When thinking of her future now, her dreams and imaginings did not stray much past the front porch of her home or the shelter of her church. To venture beyond her comfort zone meant traveling a path not paved for the ease of her stroller-pushing, post-pregnant, weaker body. It looked more like a glacial stream, in spots chaotic with strong currents, in others restful and quiet; she saw places where she might have to climb large, black rocks like those she'd scaled as a child. Her fingers and toes might not grip and hold her weight as well as they once did. And her head spun as she saw the stream split in the distance, wondering which way would be best to take, each looking equally worthy.

     
     Suddenly, a voice and guitar sang through the cloudy sky of her mind a song called "The Cave."* She caught the words:

...  I know my call despite my faults

     And despite my growing fears  

   

     But I will hold on hope

     And I won't let you choke

     On the noose around your neck

     And I'll find strength in pain 

     And I will change my ways

     I'll know my name as it's called again ...

     

     God knew her name. He would not let her strangle herself with failure or drown in despair when the way seemed indomitable and fraught with indecision. She knew that from John 10:3, "The gatekeeper opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out" (ESV). She needed God to open the gate for her to walk through, call her by name, and lead the way. And she needed the guts to get over herself and get back in the game. She did not need to prove herself to the world, or even to herself, as she once thought. She did not even need God to prove Himself to her. He had already done that many times. She needed to be that brave girl again, to walk or wade through the cold water, to climb whatever giant rock loomed in her path, to jump the waves of unexpected trials and unmet expectations.  

     More of the lyrics broke through her thoughts:

     So come out of your cave walking on your hands
     And see the world hanging upside down
     You can understand dependence
     When you know the maker's land

Although vague and abstruse as to the songwriter's intended meaning, the words motivated her like the words of a familiar worship song, "Take heart and let love lead us through the night. Hold on to hope and take courage again."** John 16:33 also came to mind, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! [or take courage] I have overcome the world." God had made the land, the sea, the rocks, the streams. He had made her. He knew what she could do. He knew her limitations. And she knew He was ever-capable, ever-loving, ever-with-her.

     Returning then to the song, she tied together parts from the beginning, middle, and end, to make it her own:

     It's empty in the valley of your heart
     The sun, it rises slowly as you walk
     Away from all the fears
     And all the faults you've left behind...

     ...Now let me at the truth
     Which will refresh my broken mind...

     'Cause I need freedom now
     And I need to know how
     To live my life as it's meant to be

     God, fill the emptiness in the valley of my heart. Help me walk away from my fears and faults, leaving them behind. Show me the truth of who I am and who You are. Free me to live life as You mean it to be. 

     My youthful self collides with my wiser and more timid self as I try to decide which path to take. The two paths I see affect both me and my family; both involve risk and cost; both require a leap of faith. Neither is a clear right or wrong. Do I finish the trail I already started? Or do I skip over to an all-new one? Heavenly Father, call my name. Show me the next step.

      
     But, then I think...sometimes, it's almost as if He doesn't show us the next step. Sometimes, like when climbing those rough rocks, we just have to feel for the next foothold and push on up. That's how I feel right now. I'm back on that rock, not sure which way is best. But, I'm moving one hand, one foot at a time, feeling my way along. My foot might slip. Or I might hang there for a while, gripping the rock till my fingers turn white, struggling to muster up the strength to keep moving. But like the words of the song Oceans, "Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You've never failed and You won't start now."*** God, I lift my eyes to you. Help me be brave and take courage, not in myself but in You, for You have "overcome the world" (John 16:33).  

      So, what's your next brave step?  

*Lyrics to Mumford and Sons' "The Cave" copied from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mumfordsons/thecave.html. 

**From "Take Heart" by Hillsong United

***From "Oceans" by Hillsong United